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Mother Fucking Moose

There is a common misconception that the grizzly bear is the most dangerous animal in the Alaska woods. This isn’t to say a bear won’t kill you if given the chance, but in all honesty, those encounters are rare.

Nope, the beast that you need to worry about is the moose. Moose are big, ugly and everywhere. Moose don’t like you or your kind. If nature wants to kill you, Moose want to fuck you up before it does.

With this in mind, I was a taken aback when the biker passing us shouted, “Moose a mile or two down the way.”

My heart raced.

I was trying to balance the danger of the situation with my enthusiasm for an actual, up close Moose encounter.

Would it dart out from the side of the trail and check us like a 4 ton angry, ugly hockey player? What would the headlines say?


I wrestled with my inner Moose demons. Then it happened.

Stacy was riding out in front as I glanced to the right.


It was just standing there. It’s beady red eyes glaring at me. It was so close I could have reached out and given it a high five. Then I remembered that you should never high-five a Moose.

Stacy didn’t see the Moose. I almost missed it. The damn thing blending completely into the forest. And of course now that I saw it, it was now my duty to alert her.


I’m not blaming the bike industry for what happened next, but why do we need brakes on the front wheel of a bike? Suddenly I found myself in an Alaskan forest ditch with a Moose looking at my ass like it was dinner.

Not today Moose, not today. If Alaska is going to eat me, I would prefer it be a bear. Is this why they are so angry?

Lucky for me, my years of Moose training kicked in and I was quickly to my feet. As I looked back, the Moose winked at me. Mutual respect?

Stacy never did see the Moose.

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How Dungeons and Dragons Probably Saved Me

It was Gary Gygax day yesterday. Here’s How Dungeons and Dragons probably saved me.

I have discovered D&D in a small library in Schertz Texas. My dad was stationed at the airbase nearby. My mother loved taking us to that tiny little library full of donated books.

One day I discovered a Advanced Dungeons and Dragons Players Handbook. The one with the giant demon statue. I didn’t understand it, but I loved it.

Soon my dad was bringing home modules that he found at the base exchange. I made maps. I made characters. I really didn’t have many friends nearby where we lived, but I dreamed of playing.

That summer we went on vacation. I don’t remember where. I remember there was a t-shirt shop where you could make your own shirt. It was all the rage. The wall was covered with iron designs and letters. Each of the kids in my family got one. Mine was white and green and had a giant dragon. And I put D&D in little black cursive letters on the front. I loved that shirt.

We moved shortly after that. My dad would be working at Williams Air Force Base in Mesa, Arizona.

Taylor Middle School was huge compared to Texas schools. I was scared. I was different. I might of wore that shirt on the first day. All I remember is this kid coming up to me and saying, “You play Dungeons and Dragons?”

His name was Ernie. He lived in my neighborhood. We became good friends. We played D&D. His dad loved to play war games. We played a lot of basketball. He helped me understand my new city, my new school.

This one little thing helped me stay out of trouble. It helped me find a tribe. It helped shaped my future. Without that I may have not made it after our move. I know my brother had a much harder time than I did.

Thank you Gary Gygax. Thank you Dungeons and Dragons.

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